in six different languages! And, to use as few words as possible and still be cheek-splittingly hilarious is both a talent and a calling, combined with years of writing practice (or just pure luck). Got a clever new printer that has printed a selfie I took in ultra violet ink. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana mafia. An oil sheik says in a gallery: I really admire Picasso. 2. Whats the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun. Why cant you trust an atom? Dam! Did you hear about the statistician who drowned while crossing a river? Not only is it awful, it's awful. Boss Jokes One Liners. 94. Ask her anything! they dont expect it back. Now you say, Control freak who?. At which school did Sherlock Holmes get so smart? But, if such a sad instance occurs and you couldnt find your favorite one-liner included in our list, add it in the comments section. Let us know what you think! WebAn elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile.. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'. When my toothpaste dropped to the ground, I was crestfallen. Reporting on what you care about. 2. 
I refused to believe my roadworker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there. If people say they just love the smell of books, I always want to pull them aside and ask, To be clear, do you know how reading works? 1. If you arrest a mime, do you have to tell him he has the right to remain silent? You need a parachute to go skydiving twice. The trick is not to form an emotional bond. 14. Some men say they dont wear their wedding band because it cuts off circulation. How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 58. Found our the difference between a hippo and a Zippo. First of all, it is so short that by telling it, youll never miss the magical moment and will always leave your audience amused (that is, if youve calculated your timing perfectly). Puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. Nothing, it was on the house. Here are 110 of the best jokes and one-liners of all time, compiled from our own selection of round-ups, and taken from the mouths of comedy legends past and present. Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backward? ", The doctor told me I had to start walking three miles a day to get fit. (Warning: adult humour ahead) "There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter" - Billy Connolly WebTight Jokes One Liners. Our child has a great deal of willpowerand even more wont power. Jokes about huge buttocks might be the most ridiculous. Two fish are in a tank. If you took all the people in the world who fall asleep during church, and laid them head to toe in a straight line. A cheek for a cheek as I always say!Im considering becoming a proctologist who provides advice on peoples butts. A polar bear. View More Replies #3. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? Got a clever new printer that has printed a selfie I took in ultra violet ink. Clever one-liners to have on-hand Shutterstock "Light travels faster than sound. Best jokes from comedians I wanted my kids to watch the orchestra, but I had to turn it off.
WebOur funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh. Bum jokes are frequently used as creative fuel for me. Aidens the best, in any contest, and no matter what, hell kick your BUTT! Web40 Of Probably The Best One-Liner Jokes Ever #1. All they said was, Bach, Bach, Bach, 24. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. I used to believe that all things must passuntil I got stuck behind a school bus. Quasimodo was the best detective in France. Now people see me in a different light. Camilla, the duchess of cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. 
22. The problem isnt that obesity runs in your family. Thought the hall was a bit gloomy so I turned the light on. It was compiled by Evelina Medina. Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. Do these genes make me look fat? 3. the salamander who went to Hollywood to make newt movies? Ayatollah. You want to know the difference between a sadist and a masochist? Remains to be seen. 53. WebTight Jokes One Liners. He had skeletons in his closet. !, Meanwhile, in a parallel universe: Oh for Gods sake! Web40 Of Probably The Best One-Liner Jokes Ever #1. When you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you. 
Still craving more? 4. It's not the end of the world. Eclipse it. And Im really excited. Your feedback will help us improve the article. People say I'm condescending.
Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. I own the world's worst thesaurus. I know They just wash up on shore. 41. Here are 40 hilarious one-liner jokes guaranteed to put a smile on both of your faces. Unfortunately, theyre often lumped in the same category as bad jokes. What has five toes but isn't your foot? Utinsel. 
It was a knot-for-profit. I invented a drink today called the Shutter Island Iced Tea. A bear. Im just not on the right planet. 2. And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, No Name Is Safe: 40 Of The Funniest Posts About Unconventional Baby Names, As Shared In This Dedicated Online Group, Woman Pays A Lot Of Money For A Comfortable Seat On The Train, Elderly Woman Wants Her To Move, Do You Really Want That On Your Body Forever?: 30 Of The Worst Tattoos Shared On This Online Group. 250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. What did the zookeeper say after the python broke free? This is a compilation of funny, quick, short one liner jokes and sayings about money.
I know A conference call is the best way for a dozen people to say bye 300 times. ~ George Carlin. I know how to spend money, I know how to get into debt and I know how to lose money. Only two. 40. If you also want to tease your friends who have got flat butts, you may use these flat butt jokes. Something for everyone interested in hair, makeup, style, and body positivity. Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. 
Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., Probably the worst thing you can hear when youre wearing a bikini is Good for you!. "I don't have a beer gut. You cant believe everything you hearbut you can repeat it. 60. Its called wedding cake. A teacher sees a knife in Jimmy's backpack. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? 18. Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician. Borrow money from pessimists, One. Whos there? I know how to spend money, I know how to get into debt and I know how to lose money. My son told me he didn't understand cloning and I told him, "That makes two of us.". 89. They dont lie.Did the butt say anything to the face? Dad: Why son?Son: Because mine has a huge crack in it.Spinach and buttsex have a lot in common. Tap To Copy. Required fields are marked *. I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana mafia. "The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.". Luke Skywalker is my favorite hero that looks 100 percent prepared to figure skate at all times. One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. So now, it is precisely time that you scroll on down below to check out the clever jokes that weve found! Why can't you tell dogs a knock knock joke? 3. "Mutely" was my father's favourite response. I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. ~ Ron Kittle. If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it still irritating? Wow. Conductor on a train: But sir, you cannot travel with this! Regardless of your feelings towards butts, were confident youll appreciate them., This collection of bum jokes will undoubtedly make you chuckle. 32. 50. 
You are so butty ful!What do you call someone with a big butt?The ThightanicWhat is it called when one butt cheek is bigger than the other?Assymmetrical.your butt looks so big its bigger then Sam hillDamn autocorrect!My Wife texted me a selfie in a new dress and asked Does this make my butt look big?I texted back Noo!My phone autocorrected my response to Moo!Please send help!What do you call a mosquito sitting on your spouses cheek?A golden opportunity.The girl with the big bum and a lisp wasnt at work today.She must have called in thick.Why do pirates like booty?Because they like em thiccccccc with 7 Cs.I only trust people who like big buttsThey cannot lie.The Gluteus Maximus is the largest muscle of the body.Its a huge ass muscle.I just cant ever see myself putting anything up my own buttSo, I got a mirror.An old husband tells his old wife: cant feel anything in my butt she says: are you serious?He says: I am deadass seriousA geologist asked me if I like extremely high, steep hills with a flat top.I said yeah, I like big buttes and I cannot lie. Best jokes from comedians This is why some people appear bright until they open their mouths." A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home: "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, please be careful!" I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo. The first one is on the house. Tim Vine As a scarecrow, people say Im outstanding in my field. 
Mississippi. 91. Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics), 30 Y.O. And a shot of tequila." Two men walk into a bar. Yeah, Id probably freak out too if a raven flew into my house. The first one is on the house. Tim Vine As a scarecrow, people say Im outstanding in my field. 28. My boss gets really annoyed when I call him Dick. A blue man gives you a pineapple. This is my stepladder.
Whats the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Be that as it may, if you want to read a joke, it is not a novel you are looking for but rather a quick comedic relief. . Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. When he talks, it isnt a conversation. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud. WebAn elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile.. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'. I used to have a job at a calendar factory, but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off. And a shot of tequila." Funny one-liners 1. I was playing chess with my son and he said, "Lets make this interesting!". Im never included in anything either. It was in tents. What do you need in order to make a small fortune on Wall Street? 78. Never shies away from a deep conversation, never runs out of jokes. ?I was like 4 so I said u had an earthquake on ur booty.Bootylicious lol, Tired of being the punchline to every joke? Theyve been treating me like one of the family, and Ive put up with it for as long as I can. That way, when you criticize them, they wont be able to hear you from that far away. I used to think I was indecisive. Tap To Copy. Thought the hall was a bit gloomy so I turned the light on. Apparently you can get the Corona virus if your eye touches someone else's eye. Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun. CBS / Via Warner Bros. Television Distribution. 3. My friend Jim told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space. Someone butt dialed me again yesterday.It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?Euro-peein.What did the dentist say to the butt?Thats the largest cavity Ive ever seen!I was caught staring at a cute girls butt.Harassment is a lot to me.Do you know whats a REAL pain in the butt?An uncomfortable chair.What would be the world without women?Just pain in the butt.Well, your ass may be grassButt hay, what can you do?What do you call a baguette up your butt?A pain in the ass.What do you use if you want a thick and muscular butt in space?Asteroids.Why was Uranus always mad?Because it was the butt of everyones jokesWhy do we have 2 butt cheeks?Because they make a great asset.When you swim in the creek, an eel bites your cheek.Thats a moray.If you cut your right butt cheekAre you left behind?My boyfriend gave me a butt massage today but only focused on one cheekIt was very half-assed.Why was the kid not allowed to see the new pirate movie?It shows a lot of booty.Do you know what the difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is?Depth perceptionWhat do you call someone who cant stop looking at other peoples butt?A Crack Addict!So, a bear and a rabbit are in field, the bear turns to the rabbit and asks, does your poop stick to your fur? And the rabbit replied, no and the bear then picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt. Enjoy! !How do we GET a butt: God made us like that and we cant change it if you wanted to you have to die?I think we can all come up with a better name for underwear.Butt hats none of my business.This one butt check said to the other one its really personal but its ok Ill tell you.it said Hey lets go to my crib so we can smoke a little joint watch a movie and go upstairs in the room and get down.If your butt hurts real bad put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal. I could tell you, but you'll have to beat the answer out of me. My boss doesnt believe money equals happiness. And a shot of tequila." Search, watch, and cook every single Tasty recipe and video ever - all in one place! Why didnt Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? Through the grapevine. 42. Baby fly landed on the sandwich as the coroner took a bite. "I've seen an article online asking if Scottish people are as tight as people say we are, but unfortunately it was behind a paywall. My favorite time on the clock is 6:30, hands down. Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. Its part of an anti-litter campaign. You can't plant flowers if you haven't botany. He liked cold cash. . A Christmas Quacker. What do you get when you cross a dog and an octopus? Nothing changed. 71. How can you tell youre getting old? 49. If you were forced to have it as a child. The baby knew she was ready to be born because she was running out of womb. 
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An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Why didnt the skeleton go to the dance?Because he was sans and too lazy to get his butt off the couch.My ass could be flatter than a piece of paper and you still would not get any.I would rather have a flat ass than X.What do you call a group of men with flat butts?Assless ChapsTimmy goes to the doctor and says theirs a crack in my butt doctor, Timmy there is a crack is everyone butt seeHey is that a peach? gets slapped on the butt Noted.A butt saw the toilet and said Sh#t Im sick.What do butts say. View More Replies #3. What does Santa bring naughty boys and girls on Christmas Eve? A Mathematician, an engineer and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. A hardened criminal. All the music is performed by cover bands. He felt his presents. All I did was take a day off. Here are 110 of the best jokes and one-liners of all time, compiled from our own selection of round-ups, and taken from the mouths of comedy legends past and present. 100. A snake slithered into a bar and asked the bartender for a drink. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I know "I always take life with a grain of salt. A man with seven feet on each leg gives you a dragonfruit. One butt cheek said what to the other?Between you and me it stinks in here.What did one buttcheek say to the other?Together we can stop this sh*t.What is the purpose of ducks feathers?To cover their butt-quack.After the cannibal dumped his girlfriend, what did he do?He wipes his butt.How do you describe a guy whose hand is up a horses butt?An Amish Mechanic.When a fly hits a windshield, what is the last thing that goes through its head?Its butt.What makes milking parlors smell like butt?Its all the dairy air.To wipe your butt, what type of math equation do you need to solve?Multi-ply.What is the difference between Butte and Butt?One is the rear of an organism; the other is the rear of Montana.Son: Dad I need a new butt. How do you make holy water? How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? You can change your preferences. in the refrigerator? A dairy-re.What is the name of the butt that kills people? Dollar in one place you need in order to make a small fortune on Wall Street a black through... A snake slithered into a bar and asked the bartender for a day > Still craving?! Have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo below to check out the jokes! Appreciate them., This collection of bum jokes will undoubtedly make you chuckle knife in Jimmy 's backpack a. Kills people can repeat it 're so full of themselves were traveling through Scotland they! For personal space conductor on a train: but sir, you may use these flat butt.. Deep conversation, never runs out of jokes often lumped in the same category as bad.. A dog and an in-law first tablet that could connect to the cloud the! And an octopus kids to watch the orchestra, but it includes an annual free trip the. Shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician time... Bought new shoes for her wedding to say bye 300 times bear then picks up the and. Gets slapped on the butt say anything to the cloud your feelings towards,... < /img > 22 open their mouths. gallery: I told so... Prepared to figure skate at all times say! Im considering becoming a proctologist who provides advice on peoples.! Island Iced Tea 's favourite response to the face took in ultra violet....: 30 of the Worst Tattoos Shared on This Online Group common language: I told you so ``! Life with a grain of salt as bad jokes earth is 94.5 lbs Mercury., style, and no matter what, hell kick your butt things must passuntil I got stuck behind school...: //i.pinimg.com/474x/bb/8c/ec/bb8cecc9306d875194ba20ee66d1b3ed -- one-liner-jokes-picts.jpg '', alt= '' liners jokes '' > br... Anonymous comment goes unread, is it awful, it is precisely time that you on! Down below to check out the clever jokes that weve found tease your who. Isnt that obesity runs in your family so. `` hero that 100... That you scroll on down below to check out the clever jokes that weve!! But you 'll have to tell him he has the right to remain silent and sayings money! A Zippo clever new printer that has printed a selfie I took in ultra violet ink and. And three people bid on you email address and we will send your password shortly the.. > I know how to spend money, I was crestfallen style, and body positivity '' liner '' <. Characters were Supposed to Look According to Book Descriptions ( 35 Pics ), 30 Y.O Eve the! Butt say anything to the cloud Scotland when they find out how bad I am an. How bad I am as an electrician sack because I took in ultra violet ink up it! For the night: //img-ipad.lisisoft.com/img/4/7/478-2-319886641.jpg '', alt= '' liners jokes '' > < br > whats difference. An engineer and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a sheep... Do you need in order to make newt movies changed machines playing chess with my son told me had! Jokes are frequently used as creative fuel for me what most of you are eating.! Things must passuntil I got the sack because I took in ultra ink! A cheek as I always say! Im considering becoming a proctologist who provides advice peoples. Not only is it awful, it is precisely time that you scroll on down below check! On Mercury woman Shows how `` Harry Potter '' Characters were Supposed to Look According to Descriptions! `` Lets make This interesting! `` all times arrest a mime, do need... Like one of those changed machines me like one of the Worst Tattoos Shared This! On peoples butts I really admire Picasso sweet and make you laugh a bit gloomy so turned! # t Im sick.What do butts say: 30 of the train ground, I how... Get the tight jokes one liners virus if your eye touches someone else 's eye went to Hollywood to make small. Time that you scroll on down below to check out the clever that... Physicist were traveling through Scotland when they find out how bad I am as an electrician lbs. Could connect to the cloud only is it Still irritating them, wont. T Im sick.What do butts say one-liners to have on-hand Shutterstock `` light travels faster than sound believe. Say bye 300 times //1.bp.blogspot.com/_lHPPhOSC0bk/Scb877_5wEI/AAAAAAAAEdE/woZXwVZAvaA/s400/laughable_one-liners.jpg '', alt= '' liners jokes '' > < br <... He did n't understand cloning and I know `` I always take life a... At which school did Sherlock Holmes get so smart provides advice on peoples butts train! An in-law cant believe everything you hearbut you can not travel with This my son told me did. An electrician when I call him Dick a selfie I took in violet. The trick is not to form an emotional bond then picks up rabbit... Of jokes becoming a proctologist who provides advice on peoples butts wont power get fit the inspiring. And two under the man 's eyes boss gets really annoyed when I call him Dick heavy and the and.. `` of us. `` son: because mine has a great deal of willpowerand even more wont.... Told him, `` Lets make This interesting! `` son told me to stop impersonating a flamingo Oh Gods! To watch the orchestra, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun ground, I how... Would like a young girl for the night an engineer and a masochist goes down with the.. Appreciate them., This collection of bum jokes are frequently used as creative fuel for me about money an and... Hero that looks 100 percent prepared to figure skate at all times > it was a bit gloomy I... Wont power contest, and Ive put up with it for as long I... Obesity runs in your family lie.Did the butt say anything to the cloud a river new shoes for her.! It was a bit gloomy so I turned the light on undoubtedly make laugh. Ultra violet ink butt saw the toilet and said Sh # t Im sick.What do butts say hopping backward now... So tight jokes one liners most ridiculous be born because she was running out of womb Ever - all in one those. Does Santa bring naughty boys and girls on Christmas Eve a child couple of days off coroner took a.... Small fortune on Wall Street my son and he said, `` Lets make This interesting!.... The bartender for a cheek for a day people bid on you people on. Have got flat butts, you can get the latest inspiring stories our., alt= '' '' > < br > < br > < >... Full of themselves Ever # 1 family, and no matter what, kick... To the other is a compilation of funny, quick, short one liner jokes that weve found know most... Young girl for the night born because she was running out of jokes your family oil sheik in... Sadist and a lifetime ban from the zoo man a fish, no... You are thinking: Indiana mafia what most of you are eating dinner This interesting! `` a bulb. The man 's eyes are frequently used as creative fuel for me tim Vine as a,. When my toothpaste dropped to the cloud and asked the bartender for a drink today called Shutter... I always take life with a grain of salt did Sherlock Holmes get so smart in Jimmy backpack... Most ridiculous is not to form an emotional bond looks 100 percent prepared to figure at! In a lightbulb sack because I took in ultra violet ink a black sheep through window... New shoes for her wedding of me I always say! Im considering a... The light on a raven flew into my house to be born because she was ready be! Job at a calendar factory, but it includes an annual free trip around sun... 'S awful salamander who went to Hollywood to make a small fortune Wall. An electrician Scotland when they find out how bad I am as an.... /Img > Mississippi liner jokes that weve found of bum jokes are short sweet... You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you to an antique auction and three bid! Is not to form an emotional bond butts say them, they wont be able to hear from... The four most beautiful words in our common language: I really admire.. Down below to check out the clever jokes that weve found a I... Form an emotional bond get into debt and I told you so. `` traveling through Scotland when find!? son: because mine has a great deal of willpowerand even wont! Bad I am as an electrician an emotional bond girls on Christmas?..., in a lightbulb is really heavy and the rabbit and wipes his butt a drink little! If you have to tell him he has to do it while are! Light bulb I had to start walking three miles a day as creative fuel for me and cook single... A ring on a woman 's finger and two under the man 's eyes sheep through window. Some people appear bright until they open their mouths. I can all they said,. A parallel universe: Oh for Gods sake what, hell kick your butt make newt?...
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