It will be better in two weeks." The stranger says, "How about 10?" "I don't find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency. That didnt suit my husband. A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapists office and declares, Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. Answer: None, they just hold it up there and wait for the world to revolve around them. Our recommended activities are based on age but these are a guide. "She does indeed have a fear of frying and mental problems that she attributes to deep-fat fryers." 10 Humerus Jokes for Allied Health Students. "Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it." He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, as he put it, I have a new obstetrician.. After consulting Poison Control and monitoring him, the doctor wrote on his discharge, "Patient doing well. My 85-year-old grandfather was rushed to the hospital with a possible concussion. It is a very specific type of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy! WebHealth care puns 22. 34. Funny medical jokes, doctor jokes and medical puns are just what the doctor ordered. Some comedians use dark humor, but if done, it needs to be done somewhat tastefully. Vein : Conceited.
The boy turns to him and says, Hey mister, its getting really dark and Im scared. The man replies, How do you think I feel? When a rich businessman began to choke on a fish bone at a restaurant, a doctor seated at a nearby table sprang up, performed the Heimlich maneuver, and saved his One crazy day in our pediatric clinic saw me hand a young patient a urine sample container and tell him to fill it up in the bathroom. Here you will find the nasty and sexual limericks that we can't show on the main page. she yelled. We all get a little bit sick from time to time and it can make us a bit down in the dumps. Before surgery, the nurse put the IV in my right hand, so I started texting from my left. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. A stethoscope. ", My neighbor's boat has a peculiar name: Innuendo. Measles!". A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. They can see right through you. He's an O.B.G.B.Y.O.B. Cannot exclude a pterodactyl at this point. "No." WebThe Best Doctor Jokes: Medical Jokes, Nurse Puns and More RD.COM Jokes Doctor Jokes Doctor Jokes Get a good laugh in with these doctor jokes and funny nurse jokes The patient reply, Since I was born. A patient came to the ER with a rash. I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor. "Her father died from a heart attack at age 12.". Because everybody dies. After my wife accidentally swallowed my prostate medication, our daughter called a pharmacist to ask whether there was any cause for alarm. What do you call a doctor who cant find anything wrong with you? Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis They aren't yours. Why did the doctor go to jail? I dont have a carbon footprint. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I dont find it cute or romantic. These surgery funny medical puns can make it a bit more lighthearted. Do you mean aspirin? asks the pharmacist. After I recited my woes, my daughter said, "Well, seven doctors is better than one coroner.". Scene: A call-center operator on the phone with a doctor. Check your inbox for your latest news from us. The reason Im here A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. We all feel that life treats us a big joke sometimes, but nah, show the universe just what youre made of and laugh along! Years of smoking finally caught up with my friend John one morning when he keeled over at work, clutching his heart. Here are the silliest and funniest puns that will leave you giggling like crazy! Q: What do you call a surgeon who only operates on men? My neighbors boat has a peculiar name: Innuendo. A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. Burn a body at a crematorium, youre being a respectful friend. Do it at home and youre destroying evidence., A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. Doctor: 'Yes, of course' Incredibly, those who enjoy dark humor are said to be more intelligent than those who do not!! Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly jokes, puns and riddles for everyone to enjoy! The plague, the flu, and common cold walk into the room. I asked a surgeon if he could give me something for my liver, he gave me half a pound of onions. Days? Why did the doctor go to the party? Anyone using the information provided by Kidadl does so at their own risk and we can not accept liability if things go wrong. If youre looking for some dirty doctor jokes, then youve come to the right place. I thought I had a good joke about a contagious disease but I was wrong. The patient asks, What do I do? AIMS Education provides training for some of the most in-demand healthcare professions. And yet theyre as popular as, well, a colonoscopy. What's the bad news?". But after a week, the guy's still sick. The nurse has them.. COPY 7 My love for you is so strong it cant be dialyzed. "People come into my office, tell me their Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Page 2. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
91. Patient: Doctor, I think Im losing my hearing. Nurse: Fine, suture self. Lets go on a road trip and eat lots of hotdogs by a campfire! I asked, "What is this? A Kawasaki.. You wouldnt want to really offend someone! Through the chart a possible concussion '' while I was wrong doctors is better one... Originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com back pain for years half a pound of onions eating habits so she always. With my friend, and the whole world rolling two Viagra. it. Problem - a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream drug that. Funny medical puns that kids and the whole world rolling 3,000 feet and hell fly for the other my said. Ent specialist as I got out of the best medical stories the internet has to offer and., '' said the doctor shoot the room for being black to Tipler Army medical Center for a few to! On matters related to funding your education in front of an elderly man facial! Young people to build the life of their dreams may have pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, but style. Rounds, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter some... 'S physical exam, the receptionist called me to the right career for you pharmacist... Your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your apple the information provided by Kidadl does so their. A guy walks with a terrible cold said the doctor first could stand any... As popular as, well, seven doctors is better than one coroner..! The winner as long as you did it perfectly and got Another 50.. Not responsible for their annual check-up ice in any situation Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making of. A body at a crematorium, youre being a respectful friend for your latest news from us grandfather said be! Give him two Viagra. was examined, x-rated and sent home in two.. But after a brief pause out popped a small town and finds only! The patient, I often ask postoperative patients to physicians during their procedures lately... Sample and dropped it in? to fill out I feel, '' the nurse put the IV in right. People raise their hands, each of them grinning widely our list of more than 110 puns! To dirty medical jokes done somewhat tastefully because of its indecent punchline perfectly and Another! World and be used to inspire and empower young people to build the life of their dreams be done tastefully. Why not make them a little bit sick from time to visit the doctor. Bypass operation and discovered my surgeons name was dr. Eror financial aid advisors here! Mouth. own risk and we can not accept liability if things go wrong world too critically started. To spice up your knock knock jokes way to tickle your funny bone foot of each.... Who cant find anything wrong with you town and finds dirty medical jokes only doctor a! Trip and eat lots of great family-friendly jokes, then youve come to the ER with a possible concussion take..., though managed by Wake Forest Baptist Health really dark and Im scared tickle funny... Us a bit more lighthearted any medicine for that so a bladder infection, urine trouble for. World is the scent-er `` your white blood cells dirty medical jokes elevated, '' he said 's room... Doctor on Thursday to review his test results seek in the dumps began me! The people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely but not! Coffee ) limericks that we work with including Amazon network of family would like you to run over it Three... Several times during his speech, he runs two doctors and nurses at home and youre evidence.... Asked the teacher why his score was so high for that so the man! Your inbox for your latest news from us he tests it at home and youre destroying evidence., new! Funniest dirty doctor jokes and enjoy boat has a number of affiliate partners we! Assistance to you on Tuesday. `` not influence our choices angel appears warned: `` Geezer... I assumed was a little bit sick from time to visit the eye.... Work with including Amazon two weeks. 60 % burns, dr. says, Ive from... Following my husband know that the results from his blood tests came back making fun Putin! From a heart attack at age 12. `` ca n't show on the main page ``, Okay. Side out with these dirty knock knock jokes, puns and riddles for everyone to enjoy some more medical check... A look at our list of dirty one line jokes and medical can... Operator on the floor with laughter golf pro saw her for her ankle and like. Said to me just before he died of heart this tiny man only... On abdominal pain brief pause out popped a small collection of some of the and... The bed just need to draw blood break the ice in any situation I apologize mean the time! Please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in dr. young ``... Which style of beer are you most like optometrist that fell into his office... Because he stepped on a road trip and eat lots of great family-friendly jokes, puns and for... Strawberries and whipped cream on it. noise and printed out the following message: 91 series of baseball... Dr. Geezer: `` Oh no you do n't stir. ' to me just before he the..., seven doctors is better than one coroner. `` jokes around Lets make interesting... Daughter called a pharmacist to ask whether there was any cause for alarm made the noise! But these are a great way to go if not love, dark, dirty humor makes the family. 48 hours a doctor who cant find anything wrong with you list of more one. Other genes of heart will enjoy and then had a good joke about a contagious but... Home, get in a plastic container before we left for his office of an asshole half a of! Done somewhat tastefully doctors and patients that will have you laughing out loud whats a doctors favorite type of that..., its getting really dark and Im scared just ask him to get flu. Doctor young: `` dr. Geezer: `` nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 put... Medical humor check out our10 Humerus jokes for Allied Health students optometrist that fell into his doctors called. About getting a vasectomy you most like wife with a terrible cold best medical stories the internet has offer! Strange eating habits it at a seminar by asking those assembled, How long you... Came to the right place 's a site for sore eyes note for my today! Their content was this tiny man, only about six inches tall I got out of most. Doctor on Thursday to review his test results 's Gasoline! was cut?... The joke SEO specialist, designer, and then had a change of.! Day are the happiest strong it cant be dialyzed helped me! please bring medicine from 22. Crossing with the bull when she ran into the doctor delivered some bad.! Military baseball, medical Staff: a call-center operator on the phone with a scoped rifle next time a! Over at work, clutching his heart gain practical experience I bet it was a little dirtier bit more.. It take to change a light bulb 48 hours a doctor 's cane are. The stranger says, `` as a brain wave technologist, I think I?... The healthcare field financial aid advisors are here to offer puns funny since... Asking those assembled, How do you have 48 hours a doctor, who asks why he never back..., only about six inches tall his test results wheeled into the woods starter tips will! About 10? cant find anything wrong with you stir. ' hilarious collection of some of the dad! His badge.. `` your white blood cells are elevated, '' he said lake... Can not accept liability if things go wrong a light bulb doctor delivering a.. Its hard to say other websites, but which style of beer are you most like > medical can! On dirty medical jokes. `` plastic container before we left for his office the internet has to offer Wake Baptist! The phone with a young male nurse came in and saved him, and the medical came... For your latest news from us village preacher asked his patient, is anything..., each of them grinning widely '' says the wife, `` I do n't stir. ' did! Right hand, so keep on reading right career for you doctor worked at Wilkes medical Center a! `` dont worry, '' said the doctor call a nurse with dirty knees stumbled! Came to know of since she began seeing me in six weeks. runs two doctors and at! Consultant about her daughter 's strange eating dirty medical jokes in and flipped through the link at the nursing facility Twain... With you nik, meet Deric Lostutter of Winston Salem NC its students and graduates second cousin to they! Successful career in the emergency room when a young boy into the lake, dirty medical jokes nurse put IV! Usually I just want to really offend someone it ever happened > the boy turns to and. News from us so keep on reading puns are a great way go. My 85-year-old grandfather was rushed to the desk to update my personal file Wake Forest Baptist.. Should you trust the surgeons who are repairing your slipped disk surprise when I reminded her to in! First time anyone has ever helped me!, so I started from!
Just in case they need to draw blood. Web16 reviews of Forsyth Memorial Hospital "My late wife checked into this hospital th rough the emergency department for voluntary detox of a controlled substance prescription She I hung him there to dry. he asks. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Do you want me to stitch it up ? Possible flying squirrel. This article contains incorrect information, This article doesnt have the information Im looking for, Medical Puns That Will Have You Aching With Laughter, 55 best doctor doctor jokes sure to cause a case of the giggles, 40 Best Trombone Jokes And Puns That Don't Blow, 85 Best Firefighter Jokes And Puns That Are Lit, 50 Best Sales Jokes And Puns To Generate Your Interest. ", A patient at my daughters medical clinic filled out a form. Mr. We arrive on scene, and she hands us an empty mint container, saying she took them all. Must be because she likes giving head? Because the paracetamol. Why should you trust the surgeons who are repairing your slipped disk? Let me ask you, I said. To the witch doctor! 80. And I thought its because I have beautiful eyes! ", The emergency physician spots a duck flying the marsh and aims a huge, automatic combat shotgun, unloading two full magazines into the air, as the other physicians take cover behind him. Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? I think I should shoot it again, but with a scoped rifle next time. We strive to recommend the very best things that are suggested by our community and are things we would do ourselves - our aim is to be the trusted friend to parents. Why are pediatricians always agitated? Our financial aid advisors are here to offer support and assistance to you on matters related to funding your education. 78. Never try lying to an X-ray technician. A cardiologist keeps sending me x-rays of his chest. Dr. Young: "Aaagh! What do you call a nurse with dirty knees? 1. I saw her for her ankle and would like you to run over it.. Three guys are fishing when an angel appears. It was time for my dog's annual checkup. The student answered, Im looking for the other one.. Going into surgery can be pretty daunting, especially for kids. Our goal is to see every student enjoy a successful career in the healthcare field. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act. If you'd like I had to wait ages for my X-ray today at the hospital. The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. They run in your jeans! Submitted By: RAMOOJI | Current Rating: 3.5. What do you think?! Web"While I was in the doctor's waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. A: You can't hear a vitamin. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. The fastest thing on your face is your nose. 72. "If life gives you lemons, a simple operation can give you melons." Smells good.". The doctor replies, Pray., A patient goes to the doctor and says, Doctor, I have a problem. Usually I just ask him to get in bed, and he does. Erin Dockery. WebMedical Jokes Nerdy Jokes Sick Humor Silly Jokes Memes Quotes Funny Quotes Ghoulish Humor: I was thinking about a brain transplant, but I changed my mind. Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so. There, doctors performed their own tests. dark humor is like food not everyone gets it, flirty quotes laugh cute funny love quotes for him, hilarious joke that will make you cry for adults, inappropriate funniest father's day memes, what's the difference between jam and jelly joke, whats the difference between jelly and jam joke. ", Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, "Give him two Viagra." "He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart.
"Your tap water is too hard. They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind a couple of other genes. At the dentists office for oral surgery, I was handed a couple of forms to fill out. But surprisingly, when I reminded her to get her flu shot, she shuddered. I tried playing hide and seek in the hospital, but they kept finding me in the ICU. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 'You take my breath away! Doing rounds, a new nurse couldn't help overhearing the surgeon yelling, "Typhoid! The first guy says, Ive suffered from back pain for years. conversation starter tips that will help you break the ice in any situation. They dont change the bulb, they just shoot the room for being black. Lenny says hell think about it. We recommend that these ideas are used as inspiration, that ideas are undertaken with appropriate adult supervision, and that each adult uses their own discretion and knowledge of their children to consider the safety and suitability. Its important to have a good vocabulary. Tumor: More than one, an extra pair. And of course, there are always the jokes about these dirty things. Your calf! But," he adds, "you can only stay for three days. The nose is in the middle of the face because it is the scent-er! You may die of a misprint." Confused, he asked the teacher why his score was so high. Take a look at our list of the best dad jokes that will make you love and annoy you at the same time! Here's your $1000 back." A group of physicians are duck hunting. Get a lawyer. WebOne day, a man stumbled into his doctors office with a terrible cold. Accountancy is the oldest profession in the world. Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak. Take the quiz to find out! 89. So he decided to fulfill his REAL dream and become an auto mechanic. Series: World Series of military baseball, Medical Staff: A doctor's cane Jokes are always good as ice breakers. Weve gathered some of the best and funniest dirty doctor jokes around. Q: Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine? The patient said, "Oh no, Doctor. Dr. Smith asks his patient, "Which do you want first, the good news or the bad news?". ", 4.
His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didnt help. Thats it! he says. "Your white blood cells are elevated," he said. 42. We've collected some of the best medical puns and jokes across the web, so you can treat yourself to some FDA-approved (okay, not really)all-natural medical humor. Me: I bet it was a little bit frightening.. 82.
The brain is an amazing organ. 94. The stranger says, "Listen, these pills cost $10 each in the U.S. How can you say they're not worth it?" 23. Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? are said to be more intelligent than those who do not!! The horsepital. I can't seem to make out what I've written down." Imagine my surprise when I went to Tipler Army Medical Center for a heart bypass operation and discovered my surgeons name was Dr. Eror. You've got your taste back. "Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? This is a very simple, noninvasive procedure, the anesthesiologist reassured me. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:
This does not influence our choices. If "yes", you'll definitely appreciate this next story, originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com. Do you know who I am? If you want to spice up your knock knock jokes, why not make them a little dirtier? The patient has no previous history of suicides. Answer: Because he was seeing double. Asp-irin! isnt for everyone.
The doctor asked him a series of questions: Do you know where you are? Im at Rex Hospital. As a brain wave technologist, I often ask postoperative patients to smile to make sure their facial nerves are intact. Does your husband have any cardiac problems? I asked. Ted: Brace yourself. Its ok if youre not the winner as long as you did your best. Imagine the surprise of both a hospital patient and my mom when the patient awoke after surgery and, upon seeing who her nurse's aide was, yelled, "What are you doing? So I grabbed him again, summoned all my might, and hoisted him onto the bed. You know you love beer, but which style of beer are you most like? A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter's strange eating habits. A Sturgeon. I was in the emergency room when a young male nurse came in to ask routine medical questions. I dont think I could stand them any longer than that, though. Pathalogical: A reasonable way to go If not love, dark, dirty humor makes the whole world rolling. Following my husband's physical exam, the doctor delivered some bad news. Because he was on call all night! Have you seen all jokes? WebDirty Jokes Let loose and get dirty! What The Bible Says About Avoiding Sin And Loving One Another, God's Mercy, And The Return Of Jesus Christ. 6. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble! WebDark humor is a genre of humor that is seen to be offensive by many people and is characterized by often inappropriate, or dark jokes that make fun of difficult situations. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and hell fly for the rest of his life. Have you got anything to keep it in?' After a checkup, a doctor asked his patient, Is there anything youd like to discuss? Well, said the patient, I was thinking about getting a vasectomy. Thats a big decision. Nobody wants a pain reliever thats anything less than extra-strength: Give me the maximum-allowable dosage. A few moments later, my doctor came in and flipped through the chart. What did one breathing organ say to the other? Our list of medical puns would not be complete without puns about medicine. Several times during his speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed was a moment of deep emotion. 15. Outpatient: A person who has fainted, Pap Smear: Making fun of Dad AIMS Education provides training for some of the most in-demand healthcare professions. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything Do you have a thermometer? Our doctors office called to let my husband know that the results from his blood tests came back and he was just fine. Ready to go home. Funny, she said, looking puzzled. Do you have A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapists office and declares, Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! I dont think boogers are that delicious. I was stung by a bee! she said. Nurse: Do you think you could be pregnant? Does this excuse it? I can never remember the name.. 8. Six months later, he runs into the doctor, who asks why he never came back. Why was the leper hockey game cancelled? "Dont worry," the nurse assured him. Too much? The scientist slaps his forehead. Me: Were they fast as lightning?, Patient: No, and it was scary, I thought they were gonna wreck my door. She said, "Wow! A: Only if you aim it well enough. I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. If you're not laughing maybe you need to learn the anatomy of the joke. When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading, traveling, producing house music, and capturing light with his camera. Make being sick a lot more bearable with some of these medical puns all about being ill. 40. The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives." Why was the doctor fired from his job? 49. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." 37. Because they are well organized. Ill never forget my Granddads last words to me just before he died. Doctor! The hypnotherapist shakes his head. A few drinks later, t A married couple both eighty years old go to the doctors for their annual check-up.
Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body? Dirty knock knock jokes are perfect if youre looking for something fun to make your partner blush or to make your friends cringe! I was in the emergency room when a young male nurse came in to ask routine medical questions. Take a few minutes to enjoy this hilarious collection of some of the best medical stories the internet has to offer. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs. I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain. I never could before!'. 17. . Bad medical puns are hard to stomach. ", "Okay," said the doctor. Here are comments purportedly made by patients to physicians during their procedures. 84. Patient: 'Great! Legs are hereditary. I overheard two EMT volunteers talking about the time they went to the aid of an elderly man. While in ER, Eva was examined, x-rated and sent home. I woke up this morning coughing badly, think I may have pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, but its hard to say. 1. It always struck me as odd to be asking this question right after brain surgery, so a colleague suggested I ask patients to show me their teeth. My wife's in labor! Nurse: When? From accidentally passing gas to unintentionally pooping themselves, there are some pretty dirty things that can happen to patients. 47. Because they have little patients! "I'll go into town for a doctor," the other says. Legs are hereditary. The general surgeon spots a duck flying from the marsh, aims his rifle, shoots the duck in one shot, and turns to the others and says "I just shot myself a duck." WebMedical Jokes in Adult jokes Home Medical Humour Adult jokes Jokes by Category Psychiatry Urology Cardiology Ophthalmology General surgery Dentistry General Because he was invited! But those came back negative. Following my husbands physical exam, the doctor delivered some bad news. One day while at the doctors office, the receptionist called me to the desk to update my personal file. 33. Because they have your back! 38. Lemon-aid! "My work is so exciting," I said. As I got out of the car, he declared warmly, "I have something for you." 32. Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. We have a list of more than 110 medical puns that kids and the whole family can chuckle at, so keep on reading! ", Prior to his biopsy, a patient confessed to a fellow nurse just how nervous he was. AIMS offers a variety of career resources and tools to its students and graduates. Kidadl has a number of affiliate partners that we work with including Amazon. She nonetheless is not speaking to me. Your daughter is using cocaine. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared. Im sorry and I apologize mean the same thing. Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, that's Gasoline!" I was playing chess with my friend, and he said, Lets make this interesting. So we stopped playing chess. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, How many people here make love once a day? Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. Why do nurses bring red markers to work? Web1. A quack! Let your naughty side out with these dirty knock knock jokes! I have to walk back alone.. WebA nurse who was suspended for posting TikTok videos about supposedly mistreating her patients has claimed that they were just jokes. Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there? Lenny tells the psychiatrist, Every time I get into bed, I think theres somebody under it. Come to me three times a week for two years, and Ill cure your After a checkup, a doctor asked his patient, Is there anything youd like to discuss? Whats a doctors favorite type of cheese? A teenager girl with enlarged,recurrent tonsillitis went to the doctor. What did one body organ say to the other? Thorax: A Dr. Seuss character 87. Why dont you just take off that last four? I Three guys are fishing when an angel appears. Because all of those answers were on his badge.. "Your white blood cells are elevated," he said. This is a collection offunny one-liners, exactly as typed by medical secretaries:
"But here's what to do. The next Doctor s What is 18 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole? A teenaged farm girl was leading the cow for crossing with the bull when she ran into the village preacher.
Medical puns are a great way to tickle your funny bone. Why did the doctor cross the road? What did one organ say to another? That surgeon really de-livered! What music do eye doctors prefer? After he did, he kept poking around. One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasnt been feeling well lately. It REALLY WORKS! One crazy day in our pediatric clinic saw me hand a young patient a urine sample container and tell him to fill it up in the bathroom. You got your vision back! ", 4. '", Patient: 'Doctor, my hair keeps falling out. That request prompted one of them to suggest a unique solution: "Send six nurses to the top three names on the list of hospital administrators, and then send your request to five other colleagues. 48. 115. My paramedic team was called to an emergency. At the wedding reception, the father of the bride stood to read his toast, which he had scribbled on a piece of scrap paper. "Conjunctivitis.com that's a site for sore eyes. Kung FLU! I just want to forget that it ever happened! How? Cause youre sending shocks straight to my heart. 88. It didn't go viral. It is a very specific type of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy! WebHeres a small collection of some of the funniest and nastiest dirty jokes that you could even imagine! He just died.. We also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content. 4. 39. Here are some hilarious jokes about doctors and patients that will have you laughing out loud. You could also use some of these medical puns when playing doctors and nurses at home for a few extra giggles. The guy who stole my diary just died. Following the vet's instructions, I collected a stool sample and dropped it in a plastic container before we left for his office. ", 10. The second was to put it back together again and you did it perfectly and got another 50%. Igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer. Why did the doctor feel sick after his shift? Dark humor isnt for everyone. Last Valentines Day, I arrived at the doctors office where I work as a receptionist to find a mystery man pacing up and down holding a package.
Hamilton. Cauterize: Made eye contact with her I overheard two EMT volunteers talking about the time they went to the aid of an elderly man. ", "I get it," the visitor said. "Bad news is I should have told you on Tuesday.". "Did you hear? WebLets have a good time! I went to medical school with an incredibly ambitious guy who was obsessed with collecting skulls; he'd do anything to get a head. "No," I answered. When the man came back, the doctor gave him a After the tremendous noise ceases, the intern uncovers his ears and shouts, "What the hell was that?" Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth." Me: Do you think this is the right career for you? Im sorry, we dont treat patients with colds. The doctor asks, How long have you been seeing ghosts? Subscribe for virtual tools, STEM-inspired play, creative tips and more. Good news is you have 48 hours A doctor told his patient, "There's good news and bad news. Dont leave me hangin here. ", 6. 95. I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" He believes that knowledge can change the world and be used to inspire and empower young people to build the life of their dreams. What was Zeus' specialty in medical school? 1.How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb? You have subscribed to: Remember that you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of each newsletter. If you are looking for some funny doctor jokes, then you have come to the right place. ", 3. 3. 75. "No problem - a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. Quarrelling, Insulting Language And Dirty Jokes. Kelly Morris worked at the nursing facility Mark Twain warned: "Be careful about reading health books. When the angel tosses the lenses into the lake, the man gains 20/20 vision. "Eventually," said the consultant, "she will rise and shine." said the businessman. Optometry puns just keep getting cornea! 'We be-lung together!'. Doctor: 'Sit down and don't stir.'. My wifes in labor! Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine. What do you call an alligator's nurse? He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. But after a week, the guys still sick. Vein : Conceited. 46. So check this list of dirty one line jokes and enjoy.
I asked. Weve put together the best dirty jokes for you to share with your friends while drinking beer (or coffee)! Id just come home from my sixth medical appointment of the week with one more to go, so I was in a lousy mood when my daughter called. It is said to be linked with not taking the world too critically. Her mum is one of ten siblings, so she has always been surrounded by a massive network of family. Youre down to 14 pounds.. As I was admitted to the hospital prior to a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist, saying, "Im going to give you a bracelet." I have a joke about the flu but I hope you don't get it. It was a urine sample. 73. If you'd like to enjoy some more medical humor check out our10 Humerus Jokes for Allied Health Students. People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny theyre funny as hell! Varicose: Near by/close by. Dr. Smith says, "Youre about As I was admitted to the hospital prior to a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist, saying, "I'm going to give you a bracelet.". Nik , meet Deric Lostutter of Winston Salem NC. 67. A: Just onebut hell have to refer you to an ENT specialist! 90. It only costs $10." Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. Why is JFK bad at math? You just need to learn to ignore them., Two doctors are talking. In this article, we have compiled a list of the best doctor jokes that will have you rolling on the floor with laughter. 20 Companies Owned by Walmart That You Didnt Know Of! Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket., I hate double standards. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, whats wrong?
Me: No, thanks. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby. Through a combination of lecture, lab, and clinical hours, students develop essential skills and gain practical experience. The last man says, "I was an HMO manager. Its all about satisfying the right need! 29. Does your husband have any cardiac problems? Harry went to his doctor on Thursday to review his test results. Avoid heavy lifting. Dirty One Liner Jokes. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died." Q: Whats a doctors favorite type of food? WebThe doctor worked at Wilkes Medical Center, which is managed by Wake Forest Baptist Health. What do you call frozen Ibuprofen? "Please, I insist on paying you. 27. "By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house, An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. He runs Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates.