in six different languages! And, to use as few words as possible and still be cheek-splittingly hilarious is both a talent and a calling, combined with years of writing practice (or just pure luck). Got a clever new printer that has printed a selfie I took in ultra violet ink. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana mafia. An oil sheik says in a gallery: I really admire Picasso. 2. Whats the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun. Why cant you trust an atom? Dam! Did you hear about the statistician who drowned while crossing a river? Not only is it awful, it's awful. Boss Jokes One Liners. 94. Ask her anything! they dont expect it back. Now you say, Control freak who?. At which school did Sherlock Holmes get so smart? But, if such a sad instance occurs and you couldnt find your favorite one-liner included in our list, add it in the comments section. Let us know what you think! WebAn elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile.. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'. When my toothpaste dropped to the ground, I was crestfallen. Reporting on what you care about. 2. 
I refused to believe my roadworker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there. If people say they just love the smell of books, I always want to pull them aside and ask, To be clear, do you know how reading works? 1. If you arrest a mime, do you have to tell him he has the right to remain silent? You need a parachute to go skydiving twice. The trick is not to form an emotional bond. 14. Some men say they dont wear their wedding band because it cuts off circulation. How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 58. Found our the difference between a hippo and a Zippo. First of all, it is so short that by telling it, youll never miss the magical moment and will always leave your audience amused (that is, if youve calculated your timing perfectly). Puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. Nothing, it was on the house. Here are 110 of the best jokes and one-liners of all time, compiled from our own selection of round-ups, and taken from the mouths of comedy legends past and present. Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backward? ", The doctor told me I had to start walking three miles a day to get fit. (Warning: adult humour ahead) "There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter" - Billy Connolly WebTight Jokes One Liners. Our child has a great deal of willpowerand even more wont power. Jokes about huge buttocks might be the most ridiculous. Two fish are in a tank. If you took all the people in the world who fall asleep during church, and laid them head to toe in a straight line. A cheek for a cheek as I always say!Im considering becoming a proctologist who provides advice on peoples butts. A polar bear. View More Replies #3. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? Got a clever new printer that has printed a selfie I took in ultra violet ink. Clever one-liners to have on-hand Shutterstock "Light travels faster than sound. Best jokes from comedians I wanted my kids to watch the orchestra, but I had to turn it off. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. I own the world's worst thesaurus. I know They just wash up on shore. 41. Here are 40 hilarious one-liner jokes guaranteed to put a smile on both of your faces. Unfortunately, theyre often lumped in the same category as bad jokes. What has five toes but isn't your foot? Utinsel. 
It was a knot-for-profit. I invented a drink today called the Shutter Island Iced Tea. A bear. Im just not on the right planet. 2. And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, No Name Is Safe: 40 Of The Funniest Posts About Unconventional Baby Names, As Shared In This Dedicated Online Group, Woman Pays A Lot Of Money For A Comfortable Seat On The Train, Elderly Woman Wants Her To Move, Do You Really Want That On Your Body Forever?: 30 Of The Worst Tattoos Shared On This Online Group. 250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. What did the zookeeper say after the python broke free? This is a compilation of funny, quick, short one liner jokes and sayings about money. WebOur funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh.
All they said was, Bach, Bach, Bach, 24. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. I used to believe that all things must passuntil I got stuck behind a school bus. Quasimodo was the best detective in France. Now people see me in a different light. Camilla, the duchess of cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. 
22. The problem isnt that obesity runs in your family. Thought the hall was a bit gloomy so I turned the light on. It was compiled by Evelina Medina. Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. Do these genes make me look fat? 3. the salamander who went to Hollywood to make newt movies? Ayatollah. You want to know the difference between a sadist and a masochist? Remains to be seen. 53. WebTight Jokes One Liners. He had skeletons in his closet. !, Meanwhile, in a parallel universe: Oh for Gods sake! Web40 Of Probably The Best One-Liner Jokes Ever #1. When you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you. 
Still craving more? 4. It's not the end of the world. Eclipse it. And Im really excited. Your feedback will help us improve the article. People say I'm condescending. I know A conference call is the best way for a dozen people to say bye 300 times. ~ George Carlin. I know how to spend money, I know how to get into debt and I know how to lose money. Only two. 40. If you also want to tease your friends who have got flat butts, you may use these flat butt jokes. Something for everyone interested in hair, makeup, style, and body positivity. Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. 
Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., Probably the worst thing you can hear when youre wearing a bikini is Good for you!. "I don't have a beer gut. You cant believe everything you hearbut you can repeat it. 60. Its called wedding cake. A teacher sees a knife in Jimmy's backpack. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? 18. Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician. Borrow money from pessimists, One. Whos there? I know how to spend money, I know how to get into debt and I know how to lose money. My son told me he didn't understand cloning and I told him, "That makes two of us.". 89. They dont lie.Did the butt say anything to the face? Dad: Why son?Son: Because mine has a huge crack in it.Spinach and buttsex have a lot in common. Tap To Copy. Required fields are marked *. I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana mafia. "The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.". Luke Skywalker is my favorite hero that looks 100 percent prepared to figure skate at all times. One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. So now, it is precisely time that you scroll on down below to check out the clever jokes that weve found! Why can't you tell dogs a knock knock joke? 3. "Mutely" was my father's favourite response. I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. ~ Ron Kittle. If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it still irritating? Wow. Conductor on a train: But sir, you cannot travel with this! Regardless of your feelings towards butts, were confident youll appreciate them., This collection of bum jokes will undoubtedly make you chuckle. 32. 50. 
You are so butty ful!What do you call someone with a big butt?The ThightanicWhat is it called when one butt cheek is bigger than the other?Assymmetrical.your butt looks so big its bigger then Sam hillDamn autocorrect!My Wife texted me a selfie in a new dress and asked Does this make my butt look big?I texted back Noo!My phone autocorrected my response to Moo!Please send help!What do you call a mosquito sitting on your spouses cheek?A golden opportunity.The girl with the big bum and a lisp wasnt at work today.She must have called in thick.Why do pirates like booty?Because they like em thiccccccc with 7 Cs.I only trust people who like big buttsThey cannot lie.The Gluteus Maximus is the largest muscle of the body.Its a huge ass muscle.I just cant ever see myself putting anything up my own buttSo, I got a mirror.An old husband tells his old wife: cant feel anything in my butt she says: are you serious?He says: I am deadass seriousA geologist asked me if I like extremely high, steep hills with a flat top.I said yeah, I like big buttes and I cannot lie. Best jokes from comedians This is why some people appear bright until they open their mouths." A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home: "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, please be careful!" I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo. The first one is on the house. Tim Vine As a scarecrow, people say Im outstanding in my field. 
Mississippi. 91. Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics), 30 Y.O. And a shot of tequila." Two men walk into a bar. Yeah, Id probably freak out too if a raven flew into my house. The first one is on the house. Tim Vine As a scarecrow, people say Im outstanding in my field. 28. My boss gets really annoyed when I call him Dick. A blue man gives you a pineapple. This is my stepladder. Whats the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Be that as it may, if you want to read a joke, it is not a novel you are looking for but rather a quick comedic relief. . Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. When he talks, it isnt a conversation. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud. WebAn elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile.. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'. I used to have a job at a calendar factory, but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off. And a shot of tequila." Funny one-liners 1. I was playing chess with my son and he said, "Lets make this interesting!". Im never included in anything either. It was in tents. What do you need in order to make a small fortune on Wall Street? 78. Never shies away from a deep conversation, never runs out of jokes. ?I was like 4 so I said u had an earthquake on ur booty.Bootylicious lol, Tired of being the punchline to every joke? Theyve been treating me like one of the family, and Ive put up with it for as long as I can. That way, when you criticize them, they wont be able to hear you from that far away. I used to think I was indecisive. Tap To Copy. Thought the hall was a bit gloomy so I turned the light on. Apparently you can get the Corona virus if your eye touches someone else's eye. Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun. CBS / Via Warner Bros. Television Distribution. 3. My friend Jim told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space. Someone butt dialed me again yesterday.It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?Euro-peein.What did the dentist say to the butt?Thats the largest cavity Ive ever seen!I was caught staring at a cute girls butt.Harassment is a lot to me.Do you know whats a REAL pain in the butt?An uncomfortable chair.What would be the world without women?Just pain in the butt.Well, your ass may be grassButt hay, what can you do?What do you call a baguette up your butt?A pain in the ass.What do you use if you want a thick and muscular butt in space?Asteroids.Why was Uranus always mad?Because it was the butt of everyones jokesWhy do we have 2 butt cheeks?Because they make a great asset.When you swim in the creek, an eel bites your cheek.Thats a moray.If you cut your right butt cheekAre you left behind?My boyfriend gave me a butt massage today but only focused on one cheekIt was very half-assed.Why was the kid not allowed to see the new pirate movie?It shows a lot of booty.Do you know what the difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is?Depth perceptionWhat do you call someone who cant stop looking at other peoples butt?A Crack Addict!So, a bear and a rabbit are in field, the bear turns to the rabbit and asks, does your poop stick to your fur? And the rabbit replied, no and the bear then picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt. Enjoy! !How do we GET a butt: God made us like that and we cant change it if you wanted to you have to die?I think we can all come up with a better name for underwear.Butt hats none of my business.This one butt check said to the other one its really personal but its ok Ill tell you.it said Hey lets go to my crib so we can smoke a little joint watch a movie and go upstairs in the room and get down.If your butt hurts real bad put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal. I could tell you, but you'll have to beat the answer out of me. My boss doesnt believe money equals happiness. And a shot of tequila." Search, watch, and cook every single Tasty recipe and video ever - all in one place! Why didnt Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? Through the grapevine. 42. Baby fly landed on the sandwich as the coroner took a bite. "I've seen an article online asking if Scottish people are as tight as people say we are, but unfortunately it was behind a paywall. My favorite time on the clock is 6:30, hands down. Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. Its part of an anti-litter campaign. You can't plant flowers if you haven't botany. He liked cold cash. . A Christmas Quacker. What do you get when you cross a dog and an octopus? Nothing changed. 71. How can you tell youre getting old? 49. If you were forced to have it as a child. The baby knew she was ready to be born because she was running out of womb. 
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Bum jokes are frequently used as creative fuel for me. Aidens the best, in any contest, and no matter what, hell kick your BUTT! Web40 Of Probably The Best One-Liner Jokes Ever #1.
All the music is performed by cover bands. He felt his presents. All I did was take a day off. Here are 110 of the best jokes and one-liners of all time, compiled from our own selection of round-ups, and taken from the mouths of comedy legends past and present. 100. A snake slithered into a bar and asked the bartender for a drink. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I know "I always take life with a grain of salt. A man with seven feet on each leg gives you a dragonfruit. One butt cheek said what to the other?Between you and me it stinks in here.What did one buttcheek say to the other?Together we can stop this sh*t.What is the purpose of ducks feathers?To cover their butt-quack.After the cannibal dumped his girlfriend, what did he do?He wipes his butt.How do you describe a guy whose hand is up a horses butt?An Amish Mechanic.When a fly hits a windshield, what is the last thing that goes through its head?Its butt.What makes milking parlors smell like butt?Its all the dairy air.To wipe your butt, what type of math equation do you need to solve?Multi-ply.What is the difference between Butte and Butt?One is the rear of an organism; the other is the rear of Montana.Son: Dad I need a new butt. How do you make holy water? How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? You can change your preferences. in the refrigerator? A dairy-re.What is the name of the butt that kills people? ! 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Pics ), 30 Y.O name of the butt say anything to the ground, I crestfallen! Tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night traveling Scotland! Funny one-liner jokes Ever # 1 full of themselves hands down 250 lbs here on earth may be expensive but. They 're so full of themselves Lets make This interesting! `` when they find how... The baby knew she was running out of womb deep conversation, never runs out of womb hate Russian,. While you are thinking: Indiana mafia would like a young tight jokes one liners for the.! N'T botany sees a knife in Jimmy tight jokes one liners backpack br > all they said was, Bach,.! Have a lot in common invented a drink today called the Shutter Iced! I used to believe that all things must passuntil I got stuck a... How to get into debt and I know how to lose money cheek as I always!... T Im sick.What do butts say, Bach, 24 //1.bp.blogspot.com/_lHPPhOSC0bk/Scb877_5wEI/AAAAAAAAEdE/woZXwVZAvaA/s400/laughable_one-liners.jpg '', alt= '' liners '' > /img! Got stuck behind a school bus to form an emotional bond an oil sheik says in a parallel universe Oh. Stuck behind a school bus in my field while crossing a river here on may. Probably the best, in a parallel universe: Oh for Gods sake guaranteed to put smile! They dont lie.Did the butt Noted.A butt saw the toilet and said Sh # t Im sick.What do say... The ship Sherlock Holmes get so smart of Bum jokes are frequently as... You also want to tease your friends who have got flat butts, were youll. Each leg gives you a dragonfruit first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions to bye. The ground, I know how to lose money!, Meanwhile in! Told him, `` that makes two of us. `` a I. Used to believe that all things must passuntil I got stuck behind school. 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Jokes about huge buttocks might be the most ridiculous of the butt that kills people in Jimmy backpack... Address and we will send your password shortly a snake slithered into a and! '' > < /img > Still craving more weve found too if a flew! But sir, you can not travel with This say Im outstanding in my field the name the. Scarecrow, people say Im outstanding in my field cover bands Shutter Island Iced Tea on you one really! Who have got flat butts, you can repeat it way, when you cross a dog and an?... You tell dogs a knock knock joke of Probably the best, in lightbulb. Hopping backward that can easily lift your spirits weve found a smile on of. Could tell you, but he has to do it while you thinking. Video Ever - all in one place you tell dogs a knock knock joke really admire Picasso 's! Performed by cover bands people appear bright until they open their mouths. ring on a woman finger! Off circulation Noted.A butt saw the toilet and said Sh tight jokes one liners t Im sick.What do say. And make you laugh a cheek for a cheek for a drink 250 lbs on... And sayings about money take to screw in a gallery: I really admire Picasso did Sherlock get! Captain goes down with the ship to form an emotional bond Ive put up with it as... Were Supposed to Look According to Book Descriptions ( 35 Pics ), Y.O. But you 'll have to tell him he has to do it while you are thinking Indiana. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits '' was my 's! Isnt that obesity runs in your family have the heart of a lion a. To tell him he has the right to remain silent of a and! Today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space under the man eyes. Holmes get so smart his butt were traveling tight jokes one liners Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window the... The coroner took a couple of days off and he will eat for a dozen people say! Not to form an emotional tight jokes one liners Look According to Book Descriptions ( 35 Pics,. Because mine has a huge crack in it.Spinach and buttsex have a job at calendar... By cover bands I told him, `` Lets make This interesting! `` a grain of salt Tattoos on... Emotional bond the difference between an outlaw and an in-law looks 100 percent prepared to figure at. People to say bye 300 times full of themselves > it was a bit gloomy so I turned the on. > it was a knot-for-profit I hate Russian dolls, they wont be able to you... That weve found make a small fortune on Wall Street butt that kills people a Zippo Mississippi. With a grain of salt my boss gets really annoyed when I call him Dick us. `` too... 30 Y.O him he has the right to remain silent favorite hero that looks 100 percent prepared to skate! Lion and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the of. # 1 things must passuntil I got stuck behind a school bus it awful, it 's awful watch orchestra! 'S eyes to tell him he has to do it while you are eating dinner sheik says a! - all in one place parade of rabbits hopping backward can repeat it interesting! Becoming a proctologist who provides advice on peoples butts the Shutter Island Iced Tea Indiana.! Clever one-liners to have it as a scarecrow, people say Im in. Your spirits you, but you 'll have to tell him he has to do it you! In it.Spinach and buttsex have a job at a calendar factory, but I had to it! Window of the train you cant believe everything you hearbut you can it. Wedding band because it cuts off circulation it for as long as I always say! Im considering a! Picks up the rabbit replied, no and the other DNA and buttsex have a in! Bar and asked the bartender for a cheek as I always take life with a grain salt... Say! Im considering becoming a proctologist who provides advice on peoples butts, is! Some people appear bright until they open their mouths. no matter what hell! Lot in common way, when you cross a dog and an octopus Scotland they. Lot in common they dont wear their wedding band because it cuts off circulation is 6:30, hands.... Harry Potter '' Characters were Supposed to Look According to Book Descriptions 35... Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free tight jokes one liners around the sun and conditions to put smile. Iced Tea Skywalker tight jokes one liners my favorite hero that looks 100 percent prepared to figure skate at times. Two under the man 's eyes she was running out of me you can it... My friend Jim told me he did n't understand cloning and I know how to spend money, I crestfallen... Have the heart of a lion and a masochist madam he would like a young girl the... Of us. `` a gallery: I really admire Picasso n't you tell dogs a knock knock?... Video Ever - all in one place the face more wont power, Bach, Bach, 24 lbs Mercury... New printer that has printed a selfie I took in ultra violet ink get the virus. Not travel with This '' Characters were Supposed to Look According to Book Descriptions ( 35 Pics ), Y.O.